A Visit to the Orphanage

So, blogging apparently came to a halt in China.  Sorry about that.  We somehow got tired and busy and busy and tired.  Then we came home and things got even busier and jet lag made us even more tired.  Plus, I think my thoughts just needed to simmer for a little bit before I wrote anymore posts.  I am always a little hesitant to post unless I am sure that what I am writing is none of me and all of him.  I don't ever want to over-dramatize what I'm saying for the sake of attention or just to give you something good to read.  I just want to write truth and let God do the pulling of the heartstrings.

Today, though, I felt the need to post about our trip to Benjamin's orphanage. Today, you see, is Orphan Sunday.  This is a day that has been set aside by many Christians, organizations and faith families as a day when the plight of orphans is brought to light.

Benjamin lived in an orphanage for two years and nine months.  When we first met him on Gotcha Day the orphanage director told us that he was very well liked and taken care of - that he was the "superstar".  That was on a Monday.  Over Tuesday and Wednesday we began to see glimpses of his personality.  We were able to see his sweet smile and hear his laugh and we began to see why she called him a "superstar". We had seen a little bit of testing from him in little pinches and hits, but even this was done in a playful way.  It was like he was just trying to gauge our reactions.  We would just redirect him and kiss his little hands and he was soon back to playful, sweet Benjamin. We had yet to see him cry, though.  I knew that this was sometimes common for orphans. It was common for them to have lost their voice.  Most babies learn from a very young age - if I cry, someone will do something about it - unless that baby is living in an orphanage.  In that case, orphaned babies learn if I cry someone might be too busy to come and do something about it.  Eventually, over time,  the baby in the orphanage doesn't cry anymore.  It really doesn't do him any good, so he just stops expressing his needs in that way.  Benjamin didn't cry when his nannie handed  him off to us, he didn't cry when he left with us (complete strangers), he didn't cry when he tripped and fell down, he didn't cry when he wanted food, he didn't cry when he wanted out of his crib, he didn't cry when he was sleepy, he didn't cry when he woke up in a strange new place, he didn't cry when they did the blood draw at the medical appointment, he just didn't cry.  This not crying was a little worrisome to me.  He would communicate with us in other ways, but he would not let his guard down to cry.  I wondered how this had affected his emotional development and his ability to attach.

The day that we went to visit his orphanage I was more nervous than I was on Gotcha Day.  Our guide had already told me that the nannies couldn't wait to see him again.  The director had already called her to see when we would be there.  They were anxious to see him and to see how he was doing.  I wondered if he would go willingly to them.  Would he go to them and and not want to go with me?  After all, it seemed like they had made a big deal of him, that he had been shown favor there.  He had been there for almost three whole years and with me for almost three whole days.  Surely, naturally, he would want to go to them and go back to everything that was familiar to him.  I tried to prepare myself for this.  I told myself that if he did want them, that it was ok.  Of course, he would want to go back to what he knew. I prayed that God would give me wisdom and  help us all.

We piled into the van with two other families that had adopted babies from the same orphanage and off we went.  When we arrived we were met by the orphanage director and a tour of the facilities began.  I put Benjamin in my carrier and off we went.  The first part of the social welfare institute was fairly new.  It was clean and bright.  This facility houses both orphans and older people or disabled people who are unable to care for themselves.  We then walked over to the part where the children Benjamin's age are housed.  This part was a little older, but still clean and neat.  They were, in fact, making repairs and doing renovations while we were there.

As we walked up to the gate we were soon met by one of the nannies.  She smiled brightly, greeted us excitedly and asked if she could hold Benjamin.  I said yes and began to take him out of the carrier.  He did not resist, but he did not reach for her either.  She took him out and carried him over to where his class was enjoying some time outside.  The other teachers greeted him excitedly and ooohed and aaahed over him.  He just stood there, though, and looked at them. I walked up to him and held my hands out and he reached up for me.  Then the teachers started coming up to him to talk to him and touch his face and he would just turn his face in the other direction.  They would go to the other side and he would whip his face around away from them.  I could not believe it! Only God could have knit his heart to me that quickly.

Shortly after that a teenage girl walked up.  We had asked the director if Benjamin had been especially close to anyone there at the orphanage and she had given us the name of an older girl that had helped to take care of him.  This was the girl.  She walked up to talk to Benjamin and he reached for her.  This had been his special person.  I had prayed that God would give him one person that he would attach to and feel close to and this was the sweet girl that God had provided.  It didn't bother me that he went to her.  Instead my heart was glad that he had had someone to love.  I will always be so thankful for her and for the other orphanage workers who lovingly cared for him and gave him the best that they could!  He was snuggled up to her when one of the other teachers came up and picked him up from her and oh me! What a sad, but sweet sound!  He cried!  And, I was then able to get him from the teacher and snuggle him up in my carrier and comfort him.  He balled up in the carrier with his head pressed closely up against my chest and had himself a good cry.  As we walked, I smoothed his hair and told him that it was ok, and he eventually calmed down and we toured the rest of the orphanage with him securely snuggled in my carrier.  That cry, though, let me know that he did know how to form attachments, he had been shown love and care and had loved in return.  That was a foundation that we could build on.  His not crying before was him being stoic and not letting his guard down.  He had shut down to keep from being hurt.  Poor baby!  In the days since we've been home we've seen that stoic, frozen behavior again when he is overwhelmed and we've heard that cry a few other times as well.  As Benjamin continues to learn to trust that we will meet his needs and that we will be there for him, we know that the cries and the expression of his needs will come more and more.  We also know that it will take time for that frozen behavior to decrease when he is overwhelmed. 

A message that we can all learn from this is that we all have a someone who is present and ready to meet our needs.  We have someone that is there to lovingly care for us.  He knows what we need and wants to give us more than we can even ask or imagine.  We need not be afraid to express our needs, to cry out to him.  He is willing and able.  He will save. 

"In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears."

Psalm 18:6

Also,just as God gave Benjamin a special someone, He has given us a special someone to be with us in our time of need. 

“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us).

Matthew 1:23

Praise be to God that he sets the lonely into His family!!





Day 5: Medical appointment and Chinese passport

Today was a long day. We started out by going to a medical appointment for Benjamin. We waited a long time to be seen and several of the kids got antsy - ok parents got antsy too :), but we made the best of it with snacks and toys. There are two other families her with boys about the same age as Camden and that has been such a huge blessing! All the boys hung out together and played, so there was no complaining from that crew. :) Benjamin played with one of the guards for awhile to pass the time. 

Once we all began seeing the various medical stations - ENT, general, nurse and TB test - it began to get hectic. For the TB test they take them into another room and do a blood draw. Several babies cried and even screamed, but not Benjamin. So far we've seen no tears, which may be a sign that he's not completely comfortable with us yet.  He did however keep making a very pitiful face and pointing to where they drew blood. I was sure to make a big deal about it and love on him a lot. 

Later that afternoon we went to the police station to apply for Benjamin's Chinese passport. 

We are continuing to learn more and more about our sweet boy. He does sleep well at night although I can't seem to get him to take a nap, he loves bananas, still likes his shoes on -the ones from the orphanage, he does not like play-dough, he loves cell phones and knows how to swipe, so far he doesn't like many non-Chinese foods - no Mexican, no Subway, no Mickey D's nuggets, no peanut butter, etc. He has the cutest dimples! He is trying to say mama,baba and Camden. He can say bye bye and Mickey (as in Mouse). :)

Day 4: Forever Day

Today we went back to the Civil Affairs office to complete Benjamin's adoption. We stated that yes we were satisfied with him - oh my yes! And promised that we would never abuse or abandon him. Today Zhao Chu He became Benjamin Lin ChuHe Ellis. 

Day 3: Gotcha Day in Guangzhou

We started this day out with breakfast at the hotel buffet.  It was very good!! Lots of interesting things like the buffet at the Inner Mongolia Grand.  I may start eating noodles and fried rice for breakfast more often!  After that we met with the other Guangdong province Lifeline families and our guides, Aron and Simon.  We sorted our paperwork and got a rough rundown of what Gotcha Day would look like.  After that we headed out to get some quick lunch at a little Mexican fastfood place which actually had really good burritos.  Then we prepared Benjamin's bag and the gifts for his nannies.  Next, the three of us huddled together and said a prayer for Benjamin and us before we headed out. We were all set!

We met again in the lobby and then headed over to the Civil Affairs Office. We were told that it would be very crowded that day and sure enough it was!  15 families getting their children all at once.  It was a great experience.  Within just a few minutes, we along with the two other families that were adopting from the same orphanage were called to step up and receive our children.  This part went SO fast!  We had Camden videoing and Jim taking pictures.  Benjamin came right to me and after cuddling him for a few minutes we went to find a seat.  We got out snacks and a sippy cup filled with water and he went to town!  He downed the water quickly and then chowed down on snacks.  After that we pulled out a few toys and he started smiling and laughing.  I couldn't believe it!  God really answered our prayers and the prayers of everyone praying with us! Things may change, but for now we are enjoying this time of contentment!

We talked to the lady from his orphanage and she told us that everyone there liked him a lot and that he was the "superstar"!  She said he's a good eater, good sleeper and has a good personality.  They sent a backpack full of snacks he likes with him and we received a scrapbook of sorts from the Half the Sky program.  This is a US program founded by an adoptive mom that trains Chinese volunteers on how to interact with the children to promote bonding.  They make these little books complete with pictures and notes every few months.  This is such a treasure for us and we are SO glad that we received it!  Hurray for Half the Sky!!

Once we got back to the hotel his personality started to come out even more.  He started laughing more and shrieking happily and of course still eating snacks, snacks and more snacks and drinking water.  He played great with Camden and would even reach for me to pick him up.  He'll let Jim hold him, but he's a little more reserved with him.  I think maybe he's not so sure about men.

We soon learned though that he likes his shoes and he likes them on!  Which is funny because all the pictures of him are with his shoes off.  When it was time to take a bath, he didn't mind taking his clothes off, but he didn't want his shoes off, so after his bath, it was back on with the shoes.

We had ordered a pizza from room service, and tried to give Benjamin some, but he was not crazy about it.  Camden on the other hand wolfed his down!

When it got time for bed, I tried to walk with him and rock him, but he kept raising up and pointing all over the room.  Then he started pointing to the crib, so I laid him down and sat beside the bed and he was out in about 5 minutes.  I was a little sad that he didn't want me to hold him while he fell asleep, but I will keep trying. :)

I have more pictures, but am having some trouble getting them off my phone, but for now.... :)

Day 2: The Great Wall

On Sunday morning we went to the Great Wall.  It was amazing!   Words really can't even describe it, so here are some pictures.

This part of the Great Wall is called Mutianyu and it is about an hour outside of Beijing.  As you can see from the pictures, the smog had really cleared out on this day and we were so glad!  If we had gone the day before we wouldn't have been able to see hardly anything.  A cold front had moved through and taken all the smog with it. 

We did not climb the steps up to the wall.  We took a cable car up and just walking up to the place where you load the cable car was pretty steep itself.  Camden absolutely loved being on the Great Wall.  This was what he's been waiting for for so long...well that and meeting Benjamin. ;)  

When we were done we came down and of course people were selling T-shirts saying, "I climbed The Great Wall".  These people were selling the shirts for $1 USD.  Why we didn't buy from them I don't know, but we walked on down into the little shops near the entrance and somehow the price had jumped to 242 RMB!  We didn't pay this.  I held my ground at 130RMB (About $20 USD), but still that was way more than $1 USD.  Oh well!  Live and learn! 

After the Great Wall our guide, Alice, took us to a nearby authentic restaurant that was good and then we headed on to the airport.  We were very early for our flight to Guangzhou, but better early than late.  

Our flight was a tiny bit delayed, but we still made it to Guangzhou in a timely manner.  Once there we met our new guide, Aron, and headed to our hotel.  We are staying at The Garden Hotel and it is SOOOO nice! Beautiful lobby, friendly staff and spacious, nice, clean rooms with good beds.  What more could a tired family ask for?  We didn't go to bed until well after midnight.  We meet our boy Monday!!

China Day 1: Beijing

We made it to China late last night.  We started today by going to the hotel's breakfast buffet.  It was definitely unique - spicy haggis, marinated eggs, fried rice, noodles, and ice cream were some of the more unusual selections.  There were lots of traditional breakfast foods too.

After breakfast we met our guide Alice and went to Tienanmen Square and the Forbidden City.  It was very neat to see such icons of history.

As you can see from the picture it is very smoggy here today.  We saw a news report just a little while that said that the pollution levels are extremely high today.  We've seen a lot of people with masks on.  

The Chinese people seem to think Camden's pretty neat.  So far he's had his picture taken,  been pointed out by lots of people and had his hair and face rubbed.  We were warned that this would be the norm in China.  Apparently they think anyone with blond hair is probably a US celebrity. ;)  Camden's not minding the attention so far.  

After the Forbidden City, we went over to the hutong area and ate lunch at a traditional hot pot restaurant.  Think Asian fondue.  Camden liked cooking the food in the boiling water, but he and I weren't huge fans of the sauce that you were supposed to dip everything in.  We also learned that Jim is a chopsticks pro!  He used them throughout the whole meal. Camden and I stuck with forks.  

After lunch we went on a rickshaw ride through the hutong area.  This an older part of Beijing where many people live in neighborhoods.  This was a more authentic view of China.  Jim didn't really drive the rickshaw.  ;) 

We're now back in the hotel room and working hard to stay awake.  We only slept a few hours on the plane ride and even though we slept all night last night with the help of some lavender and melatonin, we're still sleepy today.  Good thing we have another day to adjust before we get Benjamin! 

Tomorrow we go to the Great Wall and then we fly to Guangzhou.  We get Benjamin the next day! 

Redeem

God seems to have woven the theme of redemption through the lives of so many that I know this year. I've seen firsthand how he can put things back right. So, it should come as no surprise that my constant prayer throughout a lot of this adoption journey has been that God will redeem the time. Redeem the two and a half years that this boy has been without a family. Redeem the moments that we have missed..the firsts, the birthdays, the laughs, the smiles, the hurts, the cries. Redeem the opportunities for bonding. Redeem and give us back more than we can even imagine.

 O Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption. Psalm 130:7

As we are getting ready to travel, my mind is so busy and cluttered - I'm finding myself asking God to redeem my mind! I've put dog toys in the garbage, put an empty green bean can in the spice cabinet, put crackers in the fridge, missed my turn while driving and thrown away one of Camden's dress shirts! No worries! I fished it back out and washed it, though!  There have been several things -usually at night- that I've thought about saying on this blog, but it seems that by morning I've lost the words. 

This I think you should know, though. As I heard my aunt Wanda say one time about her and her sweet husband Dean's life together, any good that you've seen in us is Jesus. Jim and I are ordinary, normal, dare I say boring. God is the God of adventure. He is the great lover who loves the least of these and sets the lonely in families. Redemption is his idea, his plan. Any good works that Jim or I might do are just filthy rags! If left to our own devices and selfishness we would mess this up every time! We'll still mess quite a bit up even with the Holy Spirit leading us, because you see we will sometimes choose our own selfish path and not do the best or the right thing- our flesh is weak even though our spirit is willing. It is God who's power is made perfect in our weakness. It is our privilege to glorify him. 

We will be flying out in just a few short days we would love to have you praying with us. Thank you so much!