A Visit to the Orphanage

So, blogging apparently came to a halt in China.  Sorry about that.  We somehow got tired and busy and busy and tired.  Then we came home and things got even busier and jet lag made us even more tired.  Plus, I think my thoughts just needed to simmer for a little bit before I wrote anymore posts.  I am always a little hesitant to post unless I am sure that what I am writing is none of me and all of him.  I don't ever want to over-dramatize what I'm saying for the sake of attention or just to give you something good to read.  I just want to write truth and let God do the pulling of the heartstrings.

Today, though, I felt the need to post about our trip to Benjamin's orphanage. Today, you see, is Orphan Sunday.  This is a day that has been set aside by many Christians, organizations and faith families as a day when the plight of orphans is brought to light.

Benjamin lived in an orphanage for two years and nine months.  When we first met him on Gotcha Day the orphanage director told us that he was very well liked and taken care of - that he was the "superstar".  That was on a Monday.  Over Tuesday and Wednesday we began to see glimpses of his personality.  We were able to see his sweet smile and hear his laugh and we began to see why she called him a "superstar". We had seen a little bit of testing from him in little pinches and hits, but even this was done in a playful way.  It was like he was just trying to gauge our reactions.  We would just redirect him and kiss his little hands and he was soon back to playful, sweet Benjamin. We had yet to see him cry, though.  I knew that this was sometimes common for orphans. It was common for them to have lost their voice.  Most babies learn from a very young age - if I cry, someone will do something about it - unless that baby is living in an orphanage.  In that case, orphaned babies learn if I cry someone might be too busy to come and do something about it.  Eventually, over time,  the baby in the orphanage doesn't cry anymore.  It really doesn't do him any good, so he just stops expressing his needs in that way.  Benjamin didn't cry when his nannie handed  him off to us, he didn't cry when he left with us (complete strangers), he didn't cry when he tripped and fell down, he didn't cry when he wanted food, he didn't cry when he wanted out of his crib, he didn't cry when he was sleepy, he didn't cry when he woke up in a strange new place, he didn't cry when they did the blood draw at the medical appointment, he just didn't cry.  This not crying was a little worrisome to me.  He would communicate with us in other ways, but he would not let his guard down to cry.  I wondered how this had affected his emotional development and his ability to attach.

The day that we went to visit his orphanage I was more nervous than I was on Gotcha Day.  Our guide had already told me that the nannies couldn't wait to see him again.  The director had already called her to see when we would be there.  They were anxious to see him and to see how he was doing.  I wondered if he would go willingly to them.  Would he go to them and and not want to go with me?  After all, it seemed like they had made a big deal of him, that he had been shown favor there.  He had been there for almost three whole years and with me for almost three whole days.  Surely, naturally, he would want to go to them and go back to everything that was familiar to him.  I tried to prepare myself for this.  I told myself that if he did want them, that it was ok.  Of course, he would want to go back to what he knew. I prayed that God would give me wisdom and  help us all.

We piled into the van with two other families that had adopted babies from the same orphanage and off we went.  When we arrived we were met by the orphanage director and a tour of the facilities began.  I put Benjamin in my carrier and off we went.  The first part of the social welfare institute was fairly new.  It was clean and bright.  This facility houses both orphans and older people or disabled people who are unable to care for themselves.  We then walked over to the part where the children Benjamin's age are housed.  This part was a little older, but still clean and neat.  They were, in fact, making repairs and doing renovations while we were there.

As we walked up to the gate we were soon met by one of the nannies.  She smiled brightly, greeted us excitedly and asked if she could hold Benjamin.  I said yes and began to take him out of the carrier.  He did not resist, but he did not reach for her either.  She took him out and carried him over to where his class was enjoying some time outside.  The other teachers greeted him excitedly and ooohed and aaahed over him.  He just stood there, though, and looked at them. I walked up to him and held my hands out and he reached up for me.  Then the teachers started coming up to him to talk to him and touch his face and he would just turn his face in the other direction.  They would go to the other side and he would whip his face around away from them.  I could not believe it! Only God could have knit his heart to me that quickly.

Shortly after that a teenage girl walked up.  We had asked the director if Benjamin had been especially close to anyone there at the orphanage and she had given us the name of an older girl that had helped to take care of him.  This was the girl.  She walked up to talk to Benjamin and he reached for her.  This had been his special person.  I had prayed that God would give him one person that he would attach to and feel close to and this was the sweet girl that God had provided.  It didn't bother me that he went to her.  Instead my heart was glad that he had had someone to love.  I will always be so thankful for her and for the other orphanage workers who lovingly cared for him and gave him the best that they could!  He was snuggled up to her when one of the other teachers came up and picked him up from her and oh me! What a sad, but sweet sound!  He cried!  And, I was then able to get him from the teacher and snuggle him up in my carrier and comfort him.  He balled up in the carrier with his head pressed closely up against my chest and had himself a good cry.  As we walked, I smoothed his hair and told him that it was ok, and he eventually calmed down and we toured the rest of the orphanage with him securely snuggled in my carrier.  That cry, though, let me know that he did know how to form attachments, he had been shown love and care and had loved in return.  That was a foundation that we could build on.  His not crying before was him being stoic and not letting his guard down.  He had shut down to keep from being hurt.  Poor baby!  In the days since we've been home we've seen that stoic, frozen behavior again when he is overwhelmed and we've heard that cry a few other times as well.  As Benjamin continues to learn to trust that we will meet his needs and that we will be there for him, we know that the cries and the expression of his needs will come more and more.  We also know that it will take time for that frozen behavior to decrease when he is overwhelmed. 

A message that we can all learn from this is that we all have a someone who is present and ready to meet our needs.  We have someone that is there to lovingly care for us.  He knows what we need and wants to give us more than we can even ask or imagine.  We need not be afraid to express our needs, to cry out to him.  He is willing and able.  He will save. 

"In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears."

Psalm 18:6

Also,just as God gave Benjamin a special someone, He has given us a special someone to be with us in our time of need. 

“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us).

Matthew 1:23

Praise be to God that he sets the lonely into His family!!





Day 5: Medical appointment and Chinese passport

Today was a long day. We started out by going to a medical appointment for Benjamin. We waited a long time to be seen and several of the kids got antsy - ok parents got antsy too :), but we made the best of it with snacks and toys. There are two other families her with boys about the same age as Camden and that has been such a huge blessing! All the boys hung out together and played, so there was no complaining from that crew. :) Benjamin played with one of the guards for awhile to pass the time. 

Once we all began seeing the various medical stations - ENT, general, nurse and TB test - it began to get hectic. For the TB test they take them into another room and do a blood draw. Several babies cried and even screamed, but not Benjamin. So far we've seen no tears, which may be a sign that he's not completely comfortable with us yet.  He did however keep making a very pitiful face and pointing to where they drew blood. I was sure to make a big deal about it and love on him a lot. 

Later that afternoon we went to the police station to apply for Benjamin's Chinese passport. 

We are continuing to learn more and more about our sweet boy. He does sleep well at night although I can't seem to get him to take a nap, he loves bananas, still likes his shoes on -the ones from the orphanage, he does not like play-dough, he loves cell phones and knows how to swipe, so far he doesn't like many non-Chinese foods - no Mexican, no Subway, no Mickey D's nuggets, no peanut butter, etc. He has the cutest dimples! He is trying to say mama,baba and Camden. He can say bye bye and Mickey (as in Mouse). :)

Day 4: Forever Day

Today we went back to the Civil Affairs office to complete Benjamin's adoption. We stated that yes we were satisfied with him - oh my yes! And promised that we would never abuse or abandon him. Today Zhao Chu He became Benjamin Lin ChuHe Ellis. 

Day 3: Gotcha Day in Guangzhou

We started this day out with breakfast at the hotel buffet.  It was very good!! Lots of interesting things like the buffet at the Inner Mongolia Grand.  I may start eating noodles and fried rice for breakfast more often!  After that we met with the other Guangdong province Lifeline families and our guides, Aron and Simon.  We sorted our paperwork and got a rough rundown of what Gotcha Day would look like.  After that we headed out to get some quick lunch at a little Mexican fastfood place which actually had really good burritos.  Then we prepared Benjamin's bag and the gifts for his nannies.  Next, the three of us huddled together and said a prayer for Benjamin and us before we headed out. We were all set!

We met again in the lobby and then headed over to the Civil Affairs Office. We were told that it would be very crowded that day and sure enough it was!  15 families getting their children all at once.  It was a great experience.  Within just a few minutes, we along with the two other families that were adopting from the same orphanage were called to step up and receive our children.  This part went SO fast!  We had Camden videoing and Jim taking pictures.  Benjamin came right to me and after cuddling him for a few minutes we went to find a seat.  We got out snacks and a sippy cup filled with water and he went to town!  He downed the water quickly and then chowed down on snacks.  After that we pulled out a few toys and he started smiling and laughing.  I couldn't believe it!  God really answered our prayers and the prayers of everyone praying with us! Things may change, but for now we are enjoying this time of contentment!

We talked to the lady from his orphanage and she told us that everyone there liked him a lot and that he was the "superstar"!  She said he's a good eater, good sleeper and has a good personality.  They sent a backpack full of snacks he likes with him and we received a scrapbook of sorts from the Half the Sky program.  This is a US program founded by an adoptive mom that trains Chinese volunteers on how to interact with the children to promote bonding.  They make these little books complete with pictures and notes every few months.  This is such a treasure for us and we are SO glad that we received it!  Hurray for Half the Sky!!

Once we got back to the hotel his personality started to come out even more.  He started laughing more and shrieking happily and of course still eating snacks, snacks and more snacks and drinking water.  He played great with Camden and would even reach for me to pick him up.  He'll let Jim hold him, but he's a little more reserved with him.  I think maybe he's not so sure about men.

We soon learned though that he likes his shoes and he likes them on!  Which is funny because all the pictures of him are with his shoes off.  When it was time to take a bath, he didn't mind taking his clothes off, but he didn't want his shoes off, so after his bath, it was back on with the shoes.

We had ordered a pizza from room service, and tried to give Benjamin some, but he was not crazy about it.  Camden on the other hand wolfed his down!

When it got time for bed, I tried to walk with him and rock him, but he kept raising up and pointing all over the room.  Then he started pointing to the crib, so I laid him down and sat beside the bed and he was out in about 5 minutes.  I was a little sad that he didn't want me to hold him while he fell asleep, but I will keep trying. :)

I have more pictures, but am having some trouble getting them off my phone, but for now.... :)

Day 2: The Great Wall

On Sunday morning we went to the Great Wall.  It was amazing!   Words really can't even describe it, so here are some pictures.

This part of the Great Wall is called Mutianyu and it is about an hour outside of Beijing.  As you can see from the pictures, the smog had really cleared out on this day and we were so glad!  If we had gone the day before we wouldn't have been able to see hardly anything.  A cold front had moved through and taken all the smog with it. 

We did not climb the steps up to the wall.  We took a cable car up and just walking up to the place where you load the cable car was pretty steep itself.  Camden absolutely loved being on the Great Wall.  This was what he's been waiting for for so long...well that and meeting Benjamin. ;)  

When we were done we came down and of course people were selling T-shirts saying, "I climbed The Great Wall".  These people were selling the shirts for $1 USD.  Why we didn't buy from them I don't know, but we walked on down into the little shops near the entrance and somehow the price had jumped to 242 RMB!  We didn't pay this.  I held my ground at 130RMB (About $20 USD), but still that was way more than $1 USD.  Oh well!  Live and learn! 

After the Great Wall our guide, Alice, took us to a nearby authentic restaurant that was good and then we headed on to the airport.  We were very early for our flight to Guangzhou, but better early than late.  

Our flight was a tiny bit delayed, but we still made it to Guangzhou in a timely manner.  Once there we met our new guide, Aron, and headed to our hotel.  We are staying at The Garden Hotel and it is SOOOO nice! Beautiful lobby, friendly staff and spacious, nice, clean rooms with good beds.  What more could a tired family ask for?  We didn't go to bed until well after midnight.  We meet our boy Monday!!

China Day 1: Beijing

We made it to China late last night.  We started today by going to the hotel's breakfast buffet.  It was definitely unique - spicy haggis, marinated eggs, fried rice, noodles, and ice cream were some of the more unusual selections.  There were lots of traditional breakfast foods too.

After breakfast we met our guide Alice and went to Tienanmen Square and the Forbidden City.  It was very neat to see such icons of history.

As you can see from the picture it is very smoggy here today.  We saw a news report just a little while that said that the pollution levels are extremely high today.  We've seen a lot of people with masks on.  

The Chinese people seem to think Camden's pretty neat.  So far he's had his picture taken,  been pointed out by lots of people and had his hair and face rubbed.  We were warned that this would be the norm in China.  Apparently they think anyone with blond hair is probably a US celebrity. ;)  Camden's not minding the attention so far.  

After the Forbidden City, we went over to the hutong area and ate lunch at a traditional hot pot restaurant.  Think Asian fondue.  Camden liked cooking the food in the boiling water, but he and I weren't huge fans of the sauce that you were supposed to dip everything in.  We also learned that Jim is a chopsticks pro!  He used them throughout the whole meal. Camden and I stuck with forks.  

After lunch we went on a rickshaw ride through the hutong area.  This an older part of Beijing where many people live in neighborhoods.  This was a more authentic view of China.  Jim didn't really drive the rickshaw.  ;) 

We're now back in the hotel room and working hard to stay awake.  We only slept a few hours on the plane ride and even though we slept all night last night with the help of some lavender and melatonin, we're still sleepy today.  Good thing we have another day to adjust before we get Benjamin! 

Tomorrow we go to the Great Wall and then we fly to Guangzhou.  We get Benjamin the next day! 

Redeem

God seems to have woven the theme of redemption through the lives of so many that I know this year. I've seen firsthand how he can put things back right. So, it should come as no surprise that my constant prayer throughout a lot of this adoption journey has been that God will redeem the time. Redeem the two and a half years that this boy has been without a family. Redeem the moments that we have missed..the firsts, the birthdays, the laughs, the smiles, the hurts, the cries. Redeem the opportunities for bonding. Redeem and give us back more than we can even imagine.

 O Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is steadfast love, and with him is plentiful redemption. Psalm 130:7

As we are getting ready to travel, my mind is so busy and cluttered - I'm finding myself asking God to redeem my mind! I've put dog toys in the garbage, put an empty green bean can in the spice cabinet, put crackers in the fridge, missed my turn while driving and thrown away one of Camden's dress shirts! No worries! I fished it back out and washed it, though!  There have been several things -usually at night- that I've thought about saying on this blog, but it seems that by morning I've lost the words. 

This I think you should know, though. As I heard my aunt Wanda say one time about her and her sweet husband Dean's life together, any good that you've seen in us is Jesus. Jim and I are ordinary, normal, dare I say boring. God is the God of adventure. He is the great lover who loves the least of these and sets the lonely in families. Redemption is his idea, his plan. Any good works that Jim or I might do are just filthy rags! If left to our own devices and selfishness we would mess this up every time! We'll still mess quite a bit up even with the Holy Spirit leading us, because you see we will sometimes choose our own selfish path and not do the best or the right thing- our flesh is weak even though our spirit is willing. It is God who's power is made perfect in our weakness. It is our privilege to glorify him. 

We will be flying out in just a few short days we would love to have you praying with us. Thank you so much!

What to Expect When You're Adopting....

You Know You're Adopting from China When:
1. You know your adoption agency's address by heart.
2.  You have the number for US Immigration saved in your phone.
3.  Your kids have watched Mulan more times that you can count.
4. You're trying to save money and your van literally starts falling to pieces!
5.  You've started paying attention to "Ni Hao, Kailan!" hoping you can learn a little Mandarin.
6. You stalk other adoption timelines constantly!
7.  You see little Chinese boys and girls everywhere you go.
8.  Getting an email with a few new pictures and a video is the best thing that's happened all month!
9.  You wake up at night with thoughts and prayers swirling around about paperwork and attachment and bonding and the list goes on and on!
10. Your kids bless your heart by praying for a brother they've never met to be safe and warm and loved.

Our paperwork continues to move right along.  On Wednesday of this week we received our I800 approval.  This means that US Immigration has now approved us to adopt Benjamin specifically.  By the time this is all over we will have been approved so many times that it won't even be funny!

Next up, will be the paperwork to get Benjamin's US visa in the works.  That process should take about 2 1/2 weeks and then we will be waiting on TRAVEL APPROVAL from China. :)

The end is in sight!  Well, actually the end is not in sight.  You see this process is kind of like a wedding ceremony that leads up to a marriage.  In just the same way that you hear people say that you need to put a lot more preparation into the marriage than you do the wedding, you need to put a lot more preparation into the raising of this sweet child than you do into the adoption process.  Yes, we will celebrate and be so overjoyed on the day that Benjamin is finally in our arms, but that will definitely just be the beginning.

We've been prepared by our agency to expect the worst, but to hope and pray for the best.  There are a lot of different ways that Benjamin could respond to this change.  On Gotcha day he may scream, he may cry, he may hit, he may be quiet, he may smile, he may laugh.  We just really don't know.  We do know that his nannies have said that he is shy and quiet, but who knows how he may express how he feels about this upheaval.  I've probably said it before, but it bears repeating.  His whole world is about to be rocked!  He will be sent with people that he doesn't know, who smell, look and sound different from anyone else that he has ever seen.  He will be eating new foods, traveling outside his orphanage for what will probably be the very first time in his two and a half years, seeing tons of new sights, living in a hotel room for the first time (which he may think is our house), and even riding on an airplane half way across the world.  That is a lot for a little guy to take in and that's just the changes that he'll experience in China.  Once we get home there will be two new brothers and a new sister for him to get used to, another new place, another new bed, more new smells, more new foods. A lot of new! We expect him to experience grief over the loss of his nannies, friends and familiar routine that he had in the orphanage.  We expect him to be overwhelmed.  But, we also know that God is a God of redemption and healing and that prayer can change much!  We will also try to do everything in our power to make this transistion easier for him.

With all these new experiences, Benjamin will also be experiencing the love of a family for the first time.  He will begin to understand that mama and daddy will always have food for me to eat, that they will always be there to comfort me when I cry, that they will always be there to listen to me and that they will always be there to take me to the doctor when I am sick.  He will begin to learn that mamas don't just work the day shift or the night shift.  They don't come and go.  He'll learn that this mama and this daddy are here to stay.  To help him learn these things, though, we're going to have to make sure that he knows that we're mama and daddy.  I know it may seem silly, but think of that Dr. Seuss book "Are You My Mama?"  It's kind of like his little heart has always been asking that question.  He's not sure if the nannies are mama.  Is it the orphanage director?  Is it this new lady who's come to get me and is taking me to all these new places?  Is it this lady that came to our house to bring food once I was home?  Is it this person who comes to visit and is wanting to hug and kiss me?  Which one is mama?  Which one is daddy?

So,  for the first little while we will be asking you to help us with some things.  All of these things have been recommended to us by our agency and by the International Adoption Clinic.  We'll be asking that Jim and I be the only ones to hold, cuddle, hug, kiss and snuggle Benjamin.  We'll need to be the ones feeding him, getting him dressed, changing diapers, putting him to bed, giving him a bottle (Yes, you read that right!  We will be giving him a bottle for as long as we can!  Bottle feeding is great for attachment!) etc. We have missed out on making these connections with him for 2 1/2 years and we have a lot of ground to make up!  And, as hard as it is for me to say this, we also won't be encouraging him to interact with you.  With our other kids (shy though the have been!) we have always encouraged them to say hi or give a high five.  We won't do that with Benjamin.  We won't be discouraging these things forever, but until we know that Benjamin is securely attached with us as mom and dad we will.  You see a lot of times kids from orphanage settings give attention and affection to anyone and everyone hoping for attention.  So while it may seem like a good thing that a newly adopted child seems comfortable with strangers and is willing to give out hugs and kisses, it actually is not.  We need him to see that there are certain relationships in which affection is given more freely than others.  We need him to distinguish us from the store clerk or restaurant waiter when he is giving and receiving affection. Our discipline strategies will also look different with him.  He has a different past than our other three and we will always have to remember that.

It will probably be at least a week or two before we even let grandparents come around.  Maybe a month for close friends and taking him to church for the first time.  Probably more like 6 months to a year before we let him go to class at church (church classrooms look a lot like orphangages!).  But, please don't think we are writing you off!  We will need help and support during this time.  We'll need help with meals (so that I can concentrate more on making sure all four kids are adjusting well), taking our other kids places, kind words of encouragement and understanding.  We really don't know how everyone is going to adjust to this life change.  It may be very hard for a while.  Our lives, our house, our wardrobe choices may look crazy! We may not be able to be involved in as much and we may always be late! Who knows?!  As much as we would like to, we may not attach to Benjamin right away and he may not attach to us right away. This is actually very common. It may take time.  Please, though, if you hear us saying something about the difficult parts, please do not ever think that we are second guessing our decision.  We knew going in that this would be difficult.  It does not make us heroes.  It makes us really dependent on God!  We are ready for him to do big things in our life and in Benjamin's life and we are trusting him to work it all out for his glory!

Measuring Luggage and Sizing up God's Care

You know that when you start pulling the luggage out of the closet and actually measuring it with a tape measure that you're getting close to something!  We are getting much, much closer to being able to hold sweet Benjamin.  Not close enough for my liking,  but so much closer than we were! We will likely travel early to mid October.  To tide us over we received a new update last week.  Enjoy the pictures of our sweet guy below. Better than Christmas I tell you!!

Sweet boy learning to blow kisses with one of his nannies. 

 On July 28th we received our Letter of Acceptance from China.  Getting this letter was a HUGE step!! This means that China has officially approved us to become Benjamin's parents.  The only steps that are left are all on the US side of things until we get to the point where China is able to issue travel approval to us. And, did I mention that there are only 6 steps left before we actually travel?  Just six little steps and they're not big steps either! Small steps compared to the steps we've already taken!

The wait for our Letter of Acceptance was very hard for me.  Our agency had told us that the wait for that little FedEx package could be anywhere from 30 to 90 days - and sometimes longer.  Ours actually came on day 63 of our wait, which is relatively short compared to some of the wait times I've seen lately.  So, yes, I am a waiting wimp!  I'm pretty sure it has to do with a lack of control.  ;)   I've known for quite some time (actually all my life) that I like to be in control, but never was that more apparent than during this wait.  God is faithful, though, and he showed me something during this time.

You see on about day 57 or so I was done! I know, wimp!  I was so down in the dumps thinking we'd never get to China.  My mind kept thinking of Benjamin's medical issues and just the fact that he's in an orphanage without a family and I was a wreck!  I wanted to be there now!  There was not a doubt in my mind that God was big enough to work in this situation.  I kept repeating Ephesians 3:20-21 in my mind.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,  according to his power that is at work within us,  to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

My real question wasn't God's power. It was his care and compassion.  I knew that he could act, that he could move mountains, so why wasn't he?  Didn't he care about Benjamin, about us?

That afternoon, as I questioned, God answered.  I had to take my oldest to swim practice and I just decided to wait for him in the car.  My two younger kids were asleep in the backseat and I needed a mama time-out.  I got my phone out and decided to read a blog post that I had skipped over earlier that day.  This post was written by another China adoption mom and she was describing how they had revealed to their parents whether they were adopting a boy or a girl.  It was a cute post and it took my mind off things for a while.  When I got to the end of the post, though, she talked about how they had decided to name their little boy Benjamin.  Benjamin?  My radar went up.  She said that they had been a little unsure about the name, but then she turned in her Bible one day to a fairly random place and read these words from Deuteronomy 33:12.

About Benjamin he said: "Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders."

You are kidding me! God did not have me a read a verse about Moses giving his blessing to the tribes of Israel and it specifically say that Benjamin is his beloved, that he rests secure in him and that the Lord shields him all day long on the very day that I was questioning his care and love for our Benjamin!  God is good!  He is working this all out for our good and His glory!! 

Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous works among all the peoples! Psalm 96:3

Because we are getting closer to travel time, I am going to  try to write several blog posts this week. 

Houston, we have a name! + Updates! + Seeing God in all this

Have I said that this waiting is not for the faint of heart?! This week we'll pass the 9 month mark in our adoption journey.  That's relatively short for an international adoption, but I can't help but think that with our other babies we were holding them in our arms after 9 months of waiting, but with our new little guy we have about 3-5 more months before we can get to him.  We all have gotten into the habit of looking at the clock, factoring in the time difference and then wondering what he's doing right about that time.  In the grand scheme of things, though, we know that 5 more months is not really that much longer and that the wait will be worth it. 

Worth the wait...

We have been able to pass some important milestones lately.  Our dossier (basically the story of our lives with supporting documents to back it up!) was sent to China on May 13th and then we found out that we were logged into the Chinese system on May 26th.  Both of these are giant steps forward!! We are now waiting on our Letter of Acceptance(LOA).  This letter will officially approve us to adopt....Benjamin.  Yes, that's right another important milestone.  We finally settled on a name.  After going over a list of about 4-5 names for several weeks we finally decided that he looks like a Benjamin.  I'll tell you, I think it's harder to name a child that's already here.  It's been much tougher to match the right name to his little face!  Our boys and Jim too, pretty much, still call him by his Chinese name (which we'll keep as a middle name), but Jessa and I are calling him Benjamin. :)  It is pretty cute to hear her say that name.  She says it very precisely.  Ben.JA.miin.

                    

                          Does he look like a Benjamin? 

Oh, and a funny for her.  Jessa stayed with my grandmother the other day and I was getting Jessa to tell my grandmother who it was that we were going to pick up from China, mainly just because I think it's cute when she says his name. But, then when I came back to pick her up she said, "Mama, you forgot to pick up Benjamin!" Ooops! I guess she thought I was going to China right then.  

She's a funny girl!

Also, I wanted to take a second to write down some of the neat things that have helped us to see God in this process.
-meeting another China adoptive family the day after we decided to begin our adoption
-feeling such a peace about adding this particular little guy to our family
-learning that Jim's sister is friends with an adoptive mama who's son had been a patient of the same surgeon that will operate on Benjamin and being able to contact her to ask questions
-being able to email several family friends who have been through this journey
-being able to talk with good friends here about the joys and struggles that go with adopting
-Being DTC (dossier to China) by my birthday (this was something that I kept praying about and hoping would happen)
-receiving money from family and friends to help us complete this adoption
-looking back at Facebook for Benjamin's birthdate to see what I might have been doing that day and finding that the day before his birthdate I had just finished reading Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis (a great read on adoption, going on God's great adventure and dying to self)
-and the biggest deal for me so far - after beginning to get nervous about Benjamin's medical condition, care, surgery and recovery - I was able to connect with an adoptive mama who has gone through the same thing! This was great for me!  Benjamin's condition is a little on the rare side and it's even more rare to find a child with the same condition that has been adopted and his/her condition wasn't repaired shortly after birth.  I posted a question to a China advocacy page on Facebook and within 2 hours, I had an email sitting in my inbox from a mama that had adopted a little girl 7 years ago with this same condition!  Her daughter came home at about a year old and she had not had a surgical repair yet.  This is very similar to Benjamin's situation.  Better yet, she called me the next day and was SO sweet.  She told me all about her daughter's surgery, care and recovery and let me ask all my questions. She gave me a very real perspective which was exactly what I needed. Then she sent me a link to her blog and lo and behold she had documented the whole process!  I think the Holy Spirit must have had her write that blog knowing how much peace and comfort it would give me later!  We're going to have a long road ahead of us when we bring Benjamin home, but my heart and mind are so much more prepared now that I have a better idea of what to expect! I had really started to worry and had asked God to take away my fear.  He did just that by putting me into contact with this woman! The last line of her last email to me said, "Blessings on your adoption. It's hard work but if we don't, who will?"

                                                         
                                                                                 Ready to add one more to our fun crew! 

Rest Assured

Last Friday, Good Friday, Jim and I went together to attend Secret Church at the Church at Brookhills in Birmingham, AL.  It was an intense time of Bible study (7 hours to be exact!) and prayer for the persecuted church in Turkey. This time in the word was so refreshing and uplifting to our spirits.  The study guide we were given was filled with scripture after scripture after scripture - all God-breathed and all made for reproof, correction and training.

I was a goner from the very beginning of the night, though, because the row in front of us was filled with college age boys who were so intent on worshipping God and studying his word.  It made this mama of boys extremely glad and I didn't even know them! :) I just kept thinking and praying, "Yes, Lord, please, I want this for my boys! (and my girl, but I was particularly thinking of my boys) I want them to have a passion for you and your word!"

Seeing this group of boys especially touched my heart because toward the end of the row was an Asian boy and you could tell he was ALL IN and of course I just kept thinking of our boy in China! We can't wait for him to know the love of a family and the love of Jesus!

All of the night's study was related to the gospel and how it effects our everyday life. Toward the end of our time of study we came to the topic of rest and how the gospel effects our rest.  We read many scriptures about how we can trust God and rest in Him amidst fear, anxiety, trial and trouble.  We can trust his sovereignty and his goodness.  And this again brought my thoughts back to our little guy and our adoption process. 

A couple of weeks ago I sent out a text to my mom, my aunts and a few of the ladies that I look up to at our church.  I asked them to pray that the updated video that we have been waiting on for over two months would come in that very day! I was so tired of waiting and so anxious to know that our boy was ok and was doing well. (Definitely the waiting and the not knowing are the hardest parts of this whole process!) I knew that these ladies would go before God in a powerful way on our behalf, and I just knew that that video would be in my inbox before the day was out.  But, it wasn't.  In fact, we still haven't been able to receive it.  Do you want to know the strange thing, though?  From the moment that I sent that text and began to get texts in return assuring me that they were praying, a peace and a rest came over my soul.  The fog of sadness and funk that I had been in for a couple of weeks began to lift.  My soul knew without a shadow of a doubt that my God heard those prayers, I knew that he is mighty and powerful to act and that He loves me (and our boy) in a fierce way.  My heart and mind were put at ease because I knew that if we weren't receiving that video that it was because God was doing something greater in our lives.  I could REST in the grace and knowledge that my God is a GOOD God and he knows how to give the very BEST gifts.  He has been shaping me throughout this process.  Chiseling.  Teaching my heart to submit, to wait, to have hope, to have peace and my friends those things are worth more than gold or dare I say, a video.  ;)

And, just by way of update.  I've now added a new page that shows our adoption timeline.  This shows the steps we've already completed as well as what's still to come.  If you're interested in adoption or just interested in how much more we have left to do, please see the tabs at the top of the page and click on the one labeled adoption timeline. Or just click this link http://redthreadofhope.blogspot.com/p/adoption-timeline.html

 I can't tell you how many of these I've looked at on other people's blogs! 

And lastly, we sent out five grant applications today. Whew! Prayers going up!

Not our Plan

Plans.  Are funny things. I am a planner.  When I taught public school one of my most favorite parts of the day was my planning period - and not just because it was my chance to go to the bathroom, grab a drink or snack and regain a little sanity. ;) I loved writing out my plans for the days and weeks to come in nice, neat little boxes.  I loved thinking about how the day would unfold in an orderly fashion, every kid learning to their full potential all the while having fun and thinking that I was the best teacher ever.  Are you beginning to understand that I was/am a bit optimistic? Of course, it never I'm mean rarely happened that way.  Don't get me wrong! I had some great days teaching the children in my classes.  Some days where I actually got to see the light bulb of learning blink on for the very first time. Several days where the majority of my classes were engaged in learning all. at. the. same. time.(My teacher friends can relate!) I can hardly think of a week, however, where at the end I looked at my plan book and there were no erasures, no additional plans sloppily written in on the sides or arrows directing this days activities to another.  They warn you in all of your teacher preparation classes that flexibility is a must for this job - and guess what - they are right! 
Flexibility is a must, and not just for public school teachers.  It is a must for life in general.  Now that I homeschool our kiddos, I see it even more.  Plans are no different here at home.  They change. We have to rearrange, switch and replan on a weekly and sometimes daily basis. 
So when our adoption plans began to change, I'm not sure why I was surprised. :) I recently read a blog where an adoptive dad quoted one of his friends as saying, "There are your plans and then there are God's plans and your plans don't count.".  That my friends is something that we are beginning to see. Our ways are not his ways and our thoughts not his thoughts (Isaiah 55:8).  But, we can trust that all of his paths are loving and faithful (Psalm 25:10). 
When we began this journey we were somewhat open to adding either a boy or a girl to our family, but we were leaning (somewhat heavily) toward a girl.  Our thinking was that Jessa needed a sister and that a sister might fit more easily into our family.  We were also thinking that we wanted a child as young as possible so that there would be a sizeable age difference between the new baby and Jessa. We also had in mind that we were open primarily to minor correctable needs.  Then a few things began to happen.  We began to learn of the growing need for boys to be adopted and a seed began to be planted that maybe we should be more open to adding another boy to our family.  Then we were sent an email by our agency that included the pictures and profiles of some children that were in need of a family.  In this email were two children that we felt were in our age range (younger than Jessa).  One was a girl that had special needs that seemed manageable and one was a boy that we weren't exactly sure what his listed special need meant.  We decided to ask for more information on both.  The funny thing is that I was drawn more to the girl. The name that the agency used was one that I had always liked.  I thought perhaps it was a sign. ;) Little did I know! The boy was a cutie and was the right age, so I simply thought, "Well, we'll ask for his info too."  I emailed our social worker and she let me know that the little girl's file was already on hold with another family, but she immediately sent me the file for the little boy. I opened the file and saw the cutest little smile, dark hair and dark eyes staring back at me.  As I continued to look through the file, though, I realized that his medical needs were a little more complex than I had first assumed.  I also realized that he was much closer in age to Jessa than we had previously thought.  They'd basically be twins.  So, as I'm looking, I'm trying not to get too attached because I'm thinking that Jim will come home and say, "No, I don't think this is the one."  Oh, how I underestimated the Holy Spirit and Jim's willingness to submit!! Have I told you how I love that man!! He came home that night and viewed the file and was just as calm as a cucumber, the word "no" never came out of his mouth.  Now I had prayed before he got home that God would help me to let Jim's decision speak for our family.  If Jim said it was a no, I could be at peace with it.  But the "no" just never came.  We went a few more days and that little face kept popping up in our minds.  We finally decided to put his file on hold and get it reviewed by the International Adoption Clinic at Vanderbilt.  Let me just say that the doctor there is wonderful!! She gave us a run down of what the possibilities might be with his medical condition and she had his file reviewed by a specialist. The what-ifs were slightly overwhelming.  But Jim and I talked after speaking with her and God kept laying the same thoughts on our hearts.  Does every life really matter?  Could we just turn our backs on that little face?  Do we really believe that God uses the weak to display his strength?  We then asked our agency for an update on him and received a couple of little videos.  The videos are priceless and precious!! But again, I was the one that kept letting worry niggle at my brain and Jim was the one who had peace, but I kept feeling that I needed to submit to his leadership for our family.  Peace continued to grow in my heart and then God helped us to find a news story about a little girl who had been adopted with the same medical condition and she was doing great! Then just two days later Jim's sister told us of some friends that they knew that had adopted a little boy with a similar condition.  They had even used the same specialist that had reviewed our file at Vanderbilt and they loved him!  All of this was confirmation for our hearts, so on March 10, 2014 we decided to submit our letter of intent for this little guy.  We received our preapproval from China on March 27th and we are SO excited!!  We still have several hoops to jump through before we can bring him home, but we are so glad to be on this road.  It will probably be sometime in the fall before we travel. 
As I look back, I know that if things were not being worked out this way, that I would have depended too much on my own strength.  If we would  have accepted a referral of a child that completely matched with our plans, I would have been too quick to pat myself on the back - thinking that it had all worked out just as I had planned.  But, God...he knew.  He knew my heart and he had a plan.  :) 
We're not quite ready to share a pic on the world wide web yet, but if you see us out and about we'll proudly show you our little guy!  He is so adorable!!
We also humbly ask for your prayers:


1) Please pray that our little guy will stay healthy, that he will get loving attention from the nannies and that God would prepare his heart for us to come. 


2) Please pray that we will continue to seek to slow life down for our family, so that we can give intentional care and attention to our three little people at home before our world is rocked.  ;)


3) Please pray that God will continue to use this process to strengthen our marriage and our family. 


4) Please pray that we will receive our I800 approval quickly, that our dossier submission will go smoothly and that after we submit our dossier that we will receive our letter of approval (our official match!) in 34 days or less (34 days is the quickest that I have heard of, so that's what I'm going to ask for!!).  P.S. It's ok if you don't know what any of this means! God does!


Thank you, thank you!!!