What to Expect When You're Adopting....

You Know You're Adopting from China When:
1. You know your adoption agency's address by heart.
2.  You have the number for US Immigration saved in your phone.
3.  Your kids have watched Mulan more times that you can count.
4. You're trying to save money and your van literally starts falling to pieces!
5.  You've started paying attention to "Ni Hao, Kailan!" hoping you can learn a little Mandarin.
6. You stalk other adoption timelines constantly!
7.  You see little Chinese boys and girls everywhere you go.
8.  Getting an email with a few new pictures and a video is the best thing that's happened all month!
9.  You wake up at night with thoughts and prayers swirling around about paperwork and attachment and bonding and the list goes on and on!
10. Your kids bless your heart by praying for a brother they've never met to be safe and warm and loved.

Our paperwork continues to move right along.  On Wednesday of this week we received our I800 approval.  This means that US Immigration has now approved us to adopt Benjamin specifically.  By the time this is all over we will have been approved so many times that it won't even be funny!

Next up, will be the paperwork to get Benjamin's US visa in the works.  That process should take about 2 1/2 weeks and then we will be waiting on TRAVEL APPROVAL from China. :)

The end is in sight!  Well, actually the end is not in sight.  You see this process is kind of like a wedding ceremony that leads up to a marriage.  In just the same way that you hear people say that you need to put a lot more preparation into the marriage than you do the wedding, you need to put a lot more preparation into the raising of this sweet child than you do into the adoption process.  Yes, we will celebrate and be so overjoyed on the day that Benjamin is finally in our arms, but that will definitely just be the beginning.

We've been prepared by our agency to expect the worst, but to hope and pray for the best.  There are a lot of different ways that Benjamin could respond to this change.  On Gotcha day he may scream, he may cry, he may hit, he may be quiet, he may smile, he may laugh.  We just really don't know.  We do know that his nannies have said that he is shy and quiet, but who knows how he may express how he feels about this upheaval.  I've probably said it before, but it bears repeating.  His whole world is about to be rocked!  He will be sent with people that he doesn't know, who smell, look and sound different from anyone else that he has ever seen.  He will be eating new foods, traveling outside his orphanage for what will probably be the very first time in his two and a half years, seeing tons of new sights, living in a hotel room for the first time (which he may think is our house), and even riding on an airplane half way across the world.  That is a lot for a little guy to take in and that's just the changes that he'll experience in China.  Once we get home there will be two new brothers and a new sister for him to get used to, another new place, another new bed, more new smells, more new foods. A lot of new! We expect him to experience grief over the loss of his nannies, friends and familiar routine that he had in the orphanage.  We expect him to be overwhelmed.  But, we also know that God is a God of redemption and healing and that prayer can change much!  We will also try to do everything in our power to make this transistion easier for him.

With all these new experiences, Benjamin will also be experiencing the love of a family for the first time.  He will begin to understand that mama and daddy will always have food for me to eat, that they will always be there to comfort me when I cry, that they will always be there to listen to me and that they will always be there to take me to the doctor when I am sick.  He will begin to learn that mamas don't just work the day shift or the night shift.  They don't come and go.  He'll learn that this mama and this daddy are here to stay.  To help him learn these things, though, we're going to have to make sure that he knows that we're mama and daddy.  I know it may seem silly, but think of that Dr. Seuss book "Are You My Mama?"  It's kind of like his little heart has always been asking that question.  He's not sure if the nannies are mama.  Is it the orphanage director?  Is it this new lady who's come to get me and is taking me to all these new places?  Is it this lady that came to our house to bring food once I was home?  Is it this person who comes to visit and is wanting to hug and kiss me?  Which one is mama?  Which one is daddy?

So,  for the first little while we will be asking you to help us with some things.  All of these things have been recommended to us by our agency and by the International Adoption Clinic.  We'll be asking that Jim and I be the only ones to hold, cuddle, hug, kiss and snuggle Benjamin.  We'll need to be the ones feeding him, getting him dressed, changing diapers, putting him to bed, giving him a bottle (Yes, you read that right!  We will be giving him a bottle for as long as we can!  Bottle feeding is great for attachment!) etc. We have missed out on making these connections with him for 2 1/2 years and we have a lot of ground to make up!  And, as hard as it is for me to say this, we also won't be encouraging him to interact with you.  With our other kids (shy though the have been!) we have always encouraged them to say hi or give a high five.  We won't do that with Benjamin.  We won't be discouraging these things forever, but until we know that Benjamin is securely attached with us as mom and dad we will.  You see a lot of times kids from orphanage settings give attention and affection to anyone and everyone hoping for attention.  So while it may seem like a good thing that a newly adopted child seems comfortable with strangers and is willing to give out hugs and kisses, it actually is not.  We need him to see that there are certain relationships in which affection is given more freely than others.  We need him to distinguish us from the store clerk or restaurant waiter when he is giving and receiving affection. Our discipline strategies will also look different with him.  He has a different past than our other three and we will always have to remember that.

It will probably be at least a week or two before we even let grandparents come around.  Maybe a month for close friends and taking him to church for the first time.  Probably more like 6 months to a year before we let him go to class at church (church classrooms look a lot like orphangages!).  But, please don't think we are writing you off!  We will need help and support during this time.  We'll need help with meals (so that I can concentrate more on making sure all four kids are adjusting well), taking our other kids places, kind words of encouragement and understanding.  We really don't know how everyone is going to adjust to this life change.  It may be very hard for a while.  Our lives, our house, our wardrobe choices may look crazy! We may not be able to be involved in as much and we may always be late! Who knows?!  As much as we would like to, we may not attach to Benjamin right away and he may not attach to us right away. This is actually very common. It may take time.  Please, though, if you hear us saying something about the difficult parts, please do not ever think that we are second guessing our decision.  We knew going in that this would be difficult.  It does not make us heroes.  It makes us really dependent on God!  We are ready for him to do big things in our life and in Benjamin's life and we are trusting him to work it all out for his glory!

Measuring Luggage and Sizing up God's Care

You know that when you start pulling the luggage out of the closet and actually measuring it with a tape measure that you're getting close to something!  We are getting much, much closer to being able to hold sweet Benjamin.  Not close enough for my liking,  but so much closer than we were! We will likely travel early to mid October.  To tide us over we received a new update last week.  Enjoy the pictures of our sweet guy below. Better than Christmas I tell you!!

Sweet boy learning to blow kisses with one of his nannies. 

 On July 28th we received our Letter of Acceptance from China.  Getting this letter was a HUGE step!! This means that China has officially approved us to become Benjamin's parents.  The only steps that are left are all on the US side of things until we get to the point where China is able to issue travel approval to us. And, did I mention that there are only 6 steps left before we actually travel?  Just six little steps and they're not big steps either! Small steps compared to the steps we've already taken!

The wait for our Letter of Acceptance was very hard for me.  Our agency had told us that the wait for that little FedEx package could be anywhere from 30 to 90 days - and sometimes longer.  Ours actually came on day 63 of our wait, which is relatively short compared to some of the wait times I've seen lately.  So, yes, I am a waiting wimp!  I'm pretty sure it has to do with a lack of control.  ;)   I've known for quite some time (actually all my life) that I like to be in control, but never was that more apparent than during this wait.  God is faithful, though, and he showed me something during this time.

You see on about day 57 or so I was done! I know, wimp!  I was so down in the dumps thinking we'd never get to China.  My mind kept thinking of Benjamin's medical issues and just the fact that he's in an orphanage without a family and I was a wreck!  I wanted to be there now!  There was not a doubt in my mind that God was big enough to work in this situation.  I kept repeating Ephesians 3:20-21 in my mind.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,  according to his power that is at work within us,  to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

My real question wasn't God's power. It was his care and compassion.  I knew that he could act, that he could move mountains, so why wasn't he?  Didn't he care about Benjamin, about us?

That afternoon, as I questioned, God answered.  I had to take my oldest to swim practice and I just decided to wait for him in the car.  My two younger kids were asleep in the backseat and I needed a mama time-out.  I got my phone out and decided to read a blog post that I had skipped over earlier that day.  This post was written by another China adoption mom and she was describing how they had revealed to their parents whether they were adopting a boy or a girl.  It was a cute post and it took my mind off things for a while.  When I got to the end of the post, though, she talked about how they had decided to name their little boy Benjamin.  Benjamin?  My radar went up.  She said that they had been a little unsure about the name, but then she turned in her Bible one day to a fairly random place and read these words from Deuteronomy 33:12.

About Benjamin he said: "Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders."

You are kidding me! God did not have me a read a verse about Moses giving his blessing to the tribes of Israel and it specifically say that Benjamin is his beloved, that he rests secure in him and that the Lord shields him all day long on the very day that I was questioning his care and love for our Benjamin!  God is good!  He is working this all out for our good and His glory!! 

Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous works among all the peoples! Psalm 96:3

Because we are getting closer to travel time, I am going to  try to write several blog posts this week.