Today, though, I felt the need to post about our trip to Benjamin's orphanage. Today, you see, is Orphan Sunday. This is a day that has been set aside by many Christians, organizations and faith families as a day when the plight of orphans is brought to light.
Benjamin lived in an orphanage for two years and nine months. When we first met him on Gotcha Day the orphanage director told us that he was very well liked and taken care of - that he was the "superstar". That was on a Monday. Over Tuesday and Wednesday we began to see glimpses of his personality. We were able to see his sweet smile and hear his laugh and we began to see why she called him a "superstar". We had seen a little bit of testing from him in little pinches and hits, but even this was done in a playful way. It was like he was just trying to gauge our reactions. We would just redirect him and kiss his little hands and he was soon back to playful, sweet Benjamin. We had yet to see him cry, though. I knew that this was sometimes common for orphans. It was common for them to have lost their voice. Most babies learn from a very young age - if I cry, someone will do something about it - unless that baby is living in an orphanage. In that case, orphaned babies learn if I cry someone might be too busy to come and do something about it. Eventually, over time, the baby in the orphanage doesn't cry anymore. It really doesn't do him any good, so he just stops expressing his needs in that way. Benjamin didn't cry when his nannie handed him off to us, he didn't cry when he left with us (complete strangers), he didn't cry when he tripped and fell down, he didn't cry when he wanted food, he didn't cry when he wanted out of his crib, he didn't cry when he was sleepy, he didn't cry when he woke up in a strange new place, he didn't cry when they did the blood draw at the medical appointment, he just didn't cry. This not crying was a little worrisome to me. He would communicate with us in other ways, but he would not let his guard down to cry. I wondered how this had affected his emotional development and his ability to attach.
The day that we went to visit his orphanage I was more nervous than I was on Gotcha Day. Our guide had already told me that the nannies couldn't wait to see him again. The director had already called her to see when we would be there. They were anxious to see him and to see how he was doing. I wondered if he would go willingly to them. Would he go to them and and not want to go with me? After all, it seemed like they had made a big deal of him, that he had been shown favor there. He had been there for almost three whole years and with me for almost three whole days. Surely, naturally, he would want to go to them and go back to everything that was familiar to him. I tried to prepare myself for this. I told myself that if he did want them, that it was ok. Of course, he would want to go back to what he knew. I prayed that God would give me wisdom and help us all.
We piled into the van with two other families that had adopted babies from the same orphanage and off we went. When we arrived we were met by the orphanage director and a tour of the facilities began. I put Benjamin in my carrier and off we went. The first part of the social welfare institute was fairly new. It was clean and bright. This facility houses both orphans and older people or disabled people who are unable to care for themselves. We then walked over to the part where the children Benjamin's age are housed. This part was a little older, but still clean and neat. They were, in fact, making repairs and doing renovations while we were there.
As we walked up to the gate we were soon met by one of the nannies. She smiled brightly, greeted us excitedly and asked if she could hold Benjamin. I said yes and began to take him out of the carrier. He did not resist, but he did not reach for her either. She took him out and carried him over to where his class was enjoying some time outside. The other teachers greeted him excitedly and ooohed and aaahed over him. He just stood there, though, and looked at them. I walked up to him and held my hands out and he reached up for me. Then the teachers started coming up to him to talk to him and touch his face and he would just turn his face in the other direction. They would go to the other side and he would whip his face around away from them. I could not believe it! Only God could have knit his heart to me that quickly.
Shortly after that a teenage girl walked up. We had asked the director if Benjamin had been especially close to anyone there at the orphanage and she had given us the name of an older girl that had helped to take care of him. This was the girl. She walked up to talk to Benjamin and he reached for her. This had been his special person. I had prayed that God would give him one person that he would attach to and feel close to and this was the sweet girl that God had provided. It didn't bother me that he went to her. Instead my heart was glad that he had had someone to love. I will always be so thankful for her and for the other orphanage workers who lovingly cared for him and gave him the best that they could! He was snuggled up to her when one of the other teachers came up and picked him up from her and oh me! What a sad, but sweet sound! He cried! And, I was then able to get him from the teacher and snuggle him up in my carrier and comfort him. He balled up in the carrier with his head pressed closely up against my chest and had himself a good cry. As we walked, I smoothed his hair and told him that it was ok, and he eventually calmed down and we toured the rest of the orphanage with him securely snuggled in my carrier. That cry, though, let me know that he did know how to form attachments, he had been shown love and care and had loved in return. That was a foundation that we could build on. His not crying before was him being stoic and not letting his guard down. He had shut down to keep from being hurt. Poor baby! In the days since we've been home we've seen that stoic, frozen behavior again when he is overwhelmed and we've heard that cry a few other times as well. As Benjamin continues to learn to trust that we will meet his needs and that we will be there for him, we know that the cries and the expression of his needs will come more and more. We also know that it will take time for that frozen behavior to decrease when he is overwhelmed.
A message that we can all learn from this is that we all have a someone who is present and ready to meet our needs. We have someone that is there to lovingly care for us. He knows what we need and wants to give us more than we can even ask or imagine. We need not be afraid to express our needs, to cry out to him. He is willing and able. He will save.
"In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears."
Psalm 18:6
Also,just as God gave Benjamin a special someone, He has given us a special someone to be with us in our time of need.
“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us).
Matthew 1:23
Praise be to God that he sets the lonely into His family!!
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